Big Boy vs Momma's Baby

My baby's growing up!!!! He's almost 1.5 years old and while there have been times when I have been painfully aware of every minute of it, I'm still so surprised that some much time has gone by. His hair is getting long now.... my husband wants to keep it longish (he calls it the model look) haha. We got the back trimmed at a bit because it was getting so tangled (split ends from his frolicking in his dreams).

Anyway... he's starting to understand a lot. My husband is teaching him hot and stinky (in Cantonese) and a few other words and he's starting to remember the body language that goes with them. He doesn't talk yet but I'm sure when he starts it will be non stop.

So while he's growing up and learning more everyday, my son is still my baby. He'll probably always be my baby, but for now I can't stop thinking of him as my baby. He snuggles with me in the mornings now.... and I LOVE IT. I get more morning snuggles than Daddy does (the only thing I get more of than him... sigh). I hope I get morning snuggles for years to come... they make everything else worth it (and make him my baby).

So Big Boy vs. Momma's Baby.... I guess he's a bit of both but right now he's more my baby than my big boy.

Cheerio: my almost big boy is still my baby, full of free snuggles!
The Honey: that he wants to snuggle with me a little more than Daddy in the mornings

Free Self-Expression

Some musings can be done in the morning, some musings must be done throughout the day over several weeks.... I love children!

The wee little ones that don't understand public opinion and embarrassment. The ones at that age where they are starting to express themselves and learn new skills but don't understand the concept of "what others think"; something quite frankly I wish didn't come into play nearly so often for us adults either. It's fun to watch them, though, and live a little through them. You can't help but smile (maybe watching children should be considered a type of therapy, like dog visits in the hospital).

My little guy is starting to dance and did some singing into a play microphone but stopped that. I'm trying to encourage him to do it again but he seems reluctant. Oh well, I will dance with him and dance for him for as long as he is willing to dance and be entertained. I wish I could take his first years (2-3 of them) and film them in 3D and relive them whenever I wanted. I guess technology isn't there yet, but I'm sure it will be someday. I guess this just forces us to try to live in the moment, be present, and engage with the kids. I have to get all the hugs and kisses I can before he decides he's too old for this much affection. (That will be a sad day!).

But oh the joy of not knowing enough to care about how we look to others! Working in the child minding room at my gym gives me the opportunity to act silly and not feel too conspicuous, but still, to be blissfully ignorant of such social pressures would be wonderful! I suppose brave people are like this too to a certain degree. Leaders must be like this too, as they must lead by example and take those first steps before the crowd follows.

I guess my challenge to myself should be to be silly more often. I find that I can be sillier now that I have a son (society does seem to allow you to be for kids entertainment). But I want to be braver more often. I want to face the possibility of ridicule and social push-back and just go for it, whatever it may be. I'm not sure if I'll ever be as brave as I want to be, but I think I can be braver than I am. That's a good place to start.

Cheerio of the Day: be brave and silly like a toddler! It's more fun than being reserved and afraid.

Rapidly Developing Itelligence

Babies are smart aren't they? I mean the first 6 months doesn't reflect what's happening unless your baby was crawling or doing things but once they start tey just learn faster and faster.... I think my Son may already have a better memory than me.

I also joked with my mom the other day that I won't be able to help him with homework beyond grade four... She joked that I might not even get that far. Scary....

Not only does he figure things out, but he understands a lot of instructions. We are teaching him English and Cantonese and he understands in both languages. He hasn't said a lot if words yet (or signed them which is frustrating) but he really does understand. 

I love watching him play. He loves kitchen stuff- so I'm looking forward to his helping me to cook and bake- he also is really good at focusing on things (like my phone). I hope this continues as he gets older because we can do crafts and I can use his focused attention to really teach him things; at least untils he surpasses me in grade four. Ha!

My cheerio: the wonder of children and trying to figure them out while they figure out the world. 

The Comfort of a Touch

Today 's observation struck a nerve deep inside. I was at work looking after a couple of boys when a mom came to get her son. She had just done two hours of classes and was tired and hungry and her son didn't realize until they got to the car that his Nintendo DS was missing. 

They came back and he was very upset. I didn't see him come in with it and his mom was frustrated and he was crying. He tried to hug his mom or hold her but she told him not to touch her because she was already irritable. 

This kind of scene makes me want to hug my boy all the more, no matter how he's behaving. I know she isn't like that all the time it's just sad to see it happen at all. I believe everyone should receive comfort when needed no matter what. Imagine a world that operates that way! What a nice place it would be. 

Cheerio? Well it's soggy but its a reminder to be kind when you don't feel like it. I know I feel better bring kind than when I'm being mean. It can be really hard, but it's worth it when you succeed. 

Sugar Rush (full bodied excitement)

This happened probably a couple of weeks ago right after my husband gave our son a sip of lemon aid. We were in the living room and our son is up and walking around. He stops, looks at us, gives a little baby babble yell and sort of hops back and forth from one foot to the other like he's getting warmed up to run. He then ran back and forth and just seemed to bounce around the room like he didn't know what to do with himself. 

He's done this a few times since then so I don't think it was purely a sugar rush as much as its just his way of expressing excitement. It made me realize that as we grow up we lose some of that uncontainable energy and become more reserved. It also made me appreciate how precious these early years are because his innocence allows him to do things that he will later probably not do for fear of embarrassment. Right now he can express himself freely however he is moved to do so. 

Cheerio: the excitement that my son expresses reminds me not to care too much about what others think. This is how life should be experienced. 

Change

Change.... Life is constantly changing and evolving and yet change is still hard to accept sometimes. My little guy decided to wake up at 5am this morning and stay awake until 6am when I decided maybe we should just get up. I texted my husband in the other room and he came in to take Lucas and let me sleep but I was awake enough that I got up too. 

My son isn't very active, he's walking around unsteady like he's tired so hopefully he'll go back to sleep soon. In the meantime I might as well have my Cheerios metaphorically speaking. 

Getting up this early makes it easy to snuggle with my son. For a while he and my husband were snuggled on the couch nice and cozy. He's on the floor now watching juicebox (fid friendly music videos). It's a quiet morning for us but my son still finds a reason to smile, puffy eyes and all, just happy to be alive with Mommy and Daddy. His smiles make a lot of things seem better. 

So while I would have loved another hour or two of sleep, I am glad for the extra time with my son and husband when we have nothing better to do than just hang out in the living room. 

Cheerio: change is a chance to experience the norm differently. Embrace it, even when it happens at 5 or 6 in the morning. 

Not wanting it to end

I have been observing this more now that my son has been walking for a little over a month. I let him walk beside me on the side walk and at some point something will catch his attention and he'll stop and look at it. I usually give him a few minutes as long as he's safe then try to get him to keep going. 

When he finally decides to walk to me he'll take a few steps then promptly turn around and walk the other way. I'm not sure if he wants me to follow him, if the walk is over, or if he wants the walk to take longer. Some days I'd really love to know what he's thinking. 

This is a great practice of my patience. I don't want to curb his curiosity and hurry him all the time so I try to let him explore as long as he wants. I think it is a practice I will continue to work on because for now we have the time to take to explore. 

Cheerio: making the journey just a little longer is helping me to enjoy my son just a little but more. Thank you for this lesson. 

To experience life for the first time

Pure excitement and smiles that encompass the whole body... Excitement that can't be contained (hence the squeals that accompany them). That's what it is to be a child who doesn't know the difference between being cool and not. 

My son also vibrates with excitement too.  He'll do a little shake with his arms and hands and he'll even squat like he doesn't know if he should sit or stand. Makes me realize that society and just maturing forces us to lose that abandonment and wonderment that children are born with. 

Cheerio: pure joy and excitement that children experience that as a parent you have to smile and encourage. 

Personal challenge: to try to look at the world like a child goes and get back to experiencing the here and now. 

Milestone

The last two weeks of July my son started learning to walk. The big question had been if he would be walking by the time we arrived in New Brunswick because he has a cousin who is almost three. He walks all the time now and only seems to crawl if he wants to go somewhere quickly. It's a very exciting time for him as we encourage him to walk to us as well as to so many other things. 

I have to admit I sometimes wish this development took longer as I did not appreciate the ease if caring for him before he could crawl. Ah the days when I could sit him somewhere and know that he was safe and would still be in that spot when I come back into the room after starting the laundry or cleaning a bathroom. Hindsight is both wonderful and frustrating. 

Cheerio: He can now explore and chase and run (still walk) to meet daddy. From this milestone I can see him learning at a much higher rate. 

Change

Change is hard isn't it? Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it seems easy but turns out to be hard, and sometimes it's just hard. 

My son is a Daddy's boy. I love that they share a strong bond but sometimes it's so strong that I feel like I don't really exist. In my head I know that I'm an important part of the family but my son is so attached to Daddy when he's home that sometimes he won't even go to me; he just wants to be in Daddy's arms. 

As much as it's important to me that father and son spend lots of time together I guess I just want to feel like I'm an equal and acceptable option. My mother suggested that because I'm home all the time Daddy's like a novelty or an exciting toy that he only gets to play with once in a while. That helps a bit because it makes sense but sometimes I feel like my husband makes it a bit of a competition to see who our son wants to be with. 

Now we're going through more transitions and they are all reminding me that he is growing up way too fast for my liking. Soon he'll be spending nights at friends places and my time with him will be shorter. 

As much as this saddens me I have to remind myself that I can't slow it down or stop it. I need to be strong so that he can read his full potential which means someday I'll have to let go. Right now I can still grab the moments when he willing holds my hand and snuggled on my shoulder, things he didn't do before. I guess I still have a few years of closeness and snuggles to look forward to before he grows up. I just have to grab them and hold tight while I can. 

Cheerio: He still chooses me over some things and does show me a lot of affection because I have so much time with him. I just have to learn to appreciate what I get and be happy for what he gives to others. 

Promises

I was reading a post about children growing up and the promises we make each night to do better by our children. I am definitely one of those parents who always tells myself I will play more with my son or take him to places where he can play with others... Some days I do it, some days it doesn't really happen. 

Today I fulfilled two of those nightly promises; I took my son for a short walk (he got restless early), and I let him play outside. I'm always afraid of the UV burning my son so I try not to take him out in the middle of the day but some days that's the time that I'm most energetic. 

We try to do the best by our children. We try to show them all the happiness the world has to offer and expose them to all kinds of fun and positive experiences. I realize that I do make good on my promises, maybe not everyday, but several times during the week. I hope Lucas is benefitting from all that I do ad I hope I am doing enough. 

My cheerio? knowing that I do make good on my promises. 

Why it's soggy? I will always wish to do more.

Year of Firsts

With the arrival of my little one's first birthday I realize that there are a lot of firsts in life that we don't remember experiencing as we get older. Teething, which might be better forgotten, and simple things like clapping and just moving. 

We take movement for granted but we spent the first two or three months trying to hold our heads up and control our arms and legs. How wonderful it is, than, as parents to have the opportunity and privilege to bare witness to these accomplishments with our children. To encourage and celebrate their successes and maybe even document and preserve these moments for later reflection. 

My cheerio today? Seeing all these firsts that my son won't remember. Sharing his excitement and happiness. 

The honey on the cheerio? Seeing his fearlessness when it comes to knew experiences and possible failure. 

Bye bye second nap (or is it the first nap?)

Well my baby is less than a week away from his 1st birthday. They say nows the time a lot of babies drop a nap (from 2 down to 1) and I think he's going to start fighting or taking one short nap and a regular length nap. 

This morning he slept for maybe 20-30 minutes and then was up and ready to go no matter what I did. His afternoon nap yesterday was the same. He seemed fine when I dropped him off at the gym's child care room so we'll see what happens in the next few weeks. 

I'm going to miss that second nap. I usually nap during one if not both of his naps and use them to clean or do projects (I make baby blankets). I think I'll be fine once I get used to not napping everyday but I'm probably going to fight just as hard for him to keep it!

Sometimes they get soggy

So I thought teething was going to be mostly a breeze for my son. I mean his first tooth came in with barely a needy whine out of him. Turns out he developed a low grade fever last week and tooth number two is surely almost in. 

After a day spent trying to get him to sleep at my friends' cottage we had one overtired little man. When he's tired he lets you know and there is no peace until he's asleep. He also woke up and it took me an hour and a half to get him to sleep. A couple of hours later it took me another half hour. He wouldn't go to daddy either. Had to be mommy, which was sweet and exhausting. 

I was worried about him because he hasn't been eating much and I was afraid he was going to be dehydrated. My hubby and I argued about going to the hospital and in the end we didn't go. I was fine with that because I didn't really think my baby was in trouble but it was troubling that he cried for so long. 

You have to understand that while crying is natural and fine for babies I was not use to this much of it. My little guy is normally happy and content to explore on his own or to walk in mommy or daddy's arms or to play with mommy and daddy but he's not needy or demanding unless he's tired or hungry or teething (I now realize). We got through it and bought some pain stuff the next day to help manage his discomfort. Lets just say that since then things have gotten much smoother. 

My Cheerio? My son still comes toe for comfort and not to Daddy (he prefers Daddy most of the time)

Soggy because sometimes it takes a lot more time and walking to comfort than to play but its worth it in the end. 

Soggy Cheerios

I thought I was going to talk about Mother's Day and how sweet it is being a new mom and how much I enjoyed the day, blah, blah, blah. It was nice, my husband took us out for breakfast before I went to work. I got to leave work early. Lunch was taken care of, and I got to chat with some really great people at work and at home. It was bloody cold and windy (rainy too) but the weather didn't really dampen my spirits.

Then, as I'm putting my son to bed, I check Facebook as I sometimes do and I see a post my very good and close friend shared on her page. It comes from a blog called "notes from a hopeful world" go to http://hopefulworld.org/blog/in-case-mothers-day-is-hard-for-you/ and search for the post called "In Case Mother's Day is Hard for You". I read the whole thing and tears came to my eyes for all those mom's-at-heart who aren't where they thought or hoped they would be. This post illustrates a lot of the fears I have and try not to let rule my life. My own mother could be illustrated in that blog as she did suffer a miscarriage among other events.

As a mom I know that I will do everything I can for my son, including what I think is best, and that may not always be what I thought I would do. There are scenarios that scare and sadden me to the point that I have to force my thoughts in happier directions so that I don't become overwhelmed by them.

A bittersweet Mother's Day to be sure.

My soggy cheerio?  I am both thankful and fearful to be a mother.

Morning Bye Bye

When my son turned 7 or 8 months old he started experiencing separation anxiety like most babies do. I decided to take the whole year off to be with him so he wasn't going to daycare or anything. How do I know he was even going through this if I wasn't leaving him anywhere you ask? He was experiencing it when my husband left for work. Now he screams when he thinks his Daddy is leaving and so my husband has to take him upstairs with him while he changes out of his work clothes :).

The cheerio? he loves his Daddy (currently the "fun" parent)
The honey on the cheerio? I can leave the room on my husband's days off and it doesn't bother our son at all so I don't feel guilty.

Cheerios

This blog idea came to me during breakfast. I was eating my granola, yogurt, and blueberry breakfast and I have recently (this week) started sitting my son beside me in his high chair at our breakfast bar. What is he doing? You got it; eating (playing) with his multigrain Cheerios. I am hoping he'll start feeding himself a little more enthusiastically (the floor seems to get most of them). I also don't want him to grow up so fast....

It's interesting to watch him eat (or not as the case seems to be more often than not). If I put the cheerios in a bowl he'll put his hand in and move his fingers back and forth like his does when there's water in there. Most of the cheerios end up on his tray where he'll pick them up one at a time and even try to get one or two in his mouth. These days he's trying to figure out what his tongue can do, most of the time he uses it to push food out of his mouth, but ever now and again food does get to his stomach.

My cheerio of the day? Sharing a quiet morning breakfast with my son.
The honey on the cheerios? Every time a cheerio gets into his mouth and stays there.